Hockey!!!

So I have a Hockey Tournament this weekend!!! could be painful, could be good! I've been getting a lot of concern from my friends about me playing hockey, they keep saying "well if your sore then how are you gunna play hockey?" or "is it a good idea that you play?" The answer is Yes! It is a good thing I play! one of the first things a rheumatologist will tell you is Excersize, and don't stop doing the things you would normally do! so i guess we will wait and see how it goes!!!!!  <3

Michael Jackson and Lupus!!

Starting in the mid-1980's it became clear that Michael Jackson's appearance was changing dramatically. His skin tone became lighter, his nose and facial shape changed dramatically. The lighter skin tone was initially caused by Vitiligo and Lupus -both he was diagnosed with in 1986. He used makeup to cover the blotched skin. Michael did however have around 10 plastic surgeries done! Many people considered Micheal to be bleaching his skin and changing his features to look more European. When in reality It was the disease and treatments themselves that made Micheal appear very pale. 

I do still think Michael had some major issues, and may he rest in piece now! However, I wanted to add this to my blog because it goes to show you not only how Lupus and other chronic diseases can affect and change your life and appearance, but also to show you never know who may be effected by it!!

Days Like Today

Days like today don’t happen all the time,
I’m usually quite happy and really fine.
I enjoy the days where it doesn’t hurt to walk
When I’m in a good mood, and ok to talk.

But days like today, come very few.
When I hate being me and I could just start new.
Where I don’t have to worry about what’s going on
And feeling this ache doesn’t mean something’s wrong.

Today I am sad that I have Lupus,
And with and pray no one had to go through this.
That a cure was there for me to take a pill.
Instead of heading to more doctors for more crazy bills.

I know I shouldn’t worry about it at all.
But its hard when symptoms start staking ten feet tall.
When my hands swell to where I can’t even write.
Or when my legs hurt so much, I can’t sleep through the night.


When it hurts to see the sun shining down on me.
Or to walk to park just to try and sit under a tree.
To simply open a can of soda to get a simple drink.
Or when it hurts so bad, I can’t even think.

I know everyday is not always going to be like this.
I just wish the bad days, would be the ones I would miss.
When I just feel like sleeping and doing nothing more.
And shutting everyone out, and locking the door.

But the sun goes down and the moon shines bright.
While God helps me though another restless night.
And even though these days may come and come again.
I know He will be with me, always holding my hand.

The Monster In Me!

I wake every morning

Feeling achy and grim

Inflammation and soreness

In every limb

I struggle to get

Myself out of bed

I try to be thankful

That I am not dead

Although sometimes

I wish it were true

This agony and pain

I wouldn’t have to go through

To others I look

Like nothing is wrong

Inside my heart I cry

A gruesome song

I try not to think about

How awful I feel

But I wonder each day

How I am going to deal

With this pain and suffering

That is so intense

I feel like I’m backed up

Against a barbwire fence

How will I manage

How will I cope

Doctors just keep prescribing

More and more dope

I’ve learned to deal

With the physical pain

But now this monster

Is affecting my brain

Sometimes I feel

I’m falling further behind

Sometime I feel

I am losing my mind

The things I once did

Have no meaning any more

All the fun and laughter

Has gone out the door.

Day by day

I manage to do my job

But for the rest of the night

I’m rather a snob

I don’t mean to be

This person filled with rage

It’s like I’m stuck,

Can’t get out of this cage

Each day comes something

A symptom, a clue

I don’t think there is anything

any doctor do

I don’t have a life

This disease is in control

It holds me deep within

This lonesome dark hole

Who have I become

What’s happened to me

Who is this monster

That I try so hard not to be

Perhaps some day

They’ll find a solution

Perhaps it will have been caused

By our world’s pollution

Whatever it is

Whatever it may be

I truly don’t like what

It’s done to me

My concentration is gone

My thinking has went

My memory is lost

My patience spent

Will there ever be a time

I feel no pain?

Will I finally see sunshine

After all this miserable rain